Lose Yourself

Sometimes...I need to let go of everything I once thought I was sure of...including yourself.

It's easy to grow up and have a million plans for your life. Sometimes, more often than not, MY plans for my life seem better, even when they are lacking in every.single.area..

I had the perfect "ever after" planned for N and I. We dated in high school. I shared my life dreams of becoming a mother with him and he supported me 110%. And that happened...quickly. And even more quickly I realized that I wanted more. I honestly believe our heart is never truly satisfied...NEVER.

My hubby and my girls consumed my every waking hour. My dreams were coming true in the blink of an eye, BUT in the blink of an eye I forgot who God had called me to be.

Every morning has been the same for the past 11+ years. Wake up, feed the girls, get them off to school, go to work, call N to see how he is feeling, decide if cancer will interfere in my day. Ultimately...will I be enough?

Behind all of this, I hide the anxiety and depression. Is the cancer responding to the drugs, is the cancer shrinking, is N feeling well and pain free, are the girls having a great, cancer free day??

All this worry and anxiety of the day...only to start over again. All while letting myself slowly slip away. INSANITY is what I call this...totally insane!

I constantly tell our girls, "Don't try to be too cool. Don't try to be the cool girl. Try to be different in a way to leave an impact. In a way that leaves others begging to be your friend. In a way that assures them that you can help change their lives" BE YOU...be the YOU God has called you to be! Go out and change lives.

My question is this, "Am I making a difference? Am I leaving a lasting impression? Am I living up to God's call?"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Start over. Ever day is a new day.

You are needed and you definitely make a difference...

In the words of Salt-n-Pepa, "Lose yourself and the rest will follow"..

 

Much love and grace,

 

Stephanie Marie