Not many of you know this, a little over a month ago I drove myself to the ER so sure that I was about to die. My heart had been pounding for days, I had not really slept for over a week, I could not catch my breath or get enough oxygen into my lungs, my hands and feet were tingling, I had a weird burning sensation that started in my tummy and than throughout my entire body, I felt faint and my pulse and blood pressure were through the roof. 198/108 and pulse of 168 to be exact. I was scared and had a weird sense of shame...I could not shut off the noise screaming in my ears 24/7.  I walked myself into the ER the afternoon of January 19th all alone. Not because no one is there for me...mostly because I did not want to be a bother. I am a helper, a fixer, but rarely every can ask or except help from loved ones without guilt. I like to feel like I have my sh*t together. I love that people assume I am so strong. So silently I was suffering while painting the picture of a woman who has the perfect life, who is so strong, and a woman who loves and trusts God... who really is relying completely on God. But on that afternoon I had a very rude awakening. I needed help and fast. Over a year and a half of stuffed feelings finally came through and knocked me down for a couple weeks. The diagnosis of anxiety was completely out of line...I thought. I had told so many people I was fine, fabulous...that I believed it myself. I felt I had no right to be anxious. I felt I should be grateful even for my husband's cancer. Grateful I was healthy, but in all reality hoarding those feelings for that long was probably about to take my life. Anxiety definitely takes a physical toll on my well-being. I continue to suffer, but have found many ways to cope...Bible readings, prayer, medication<---yes MEDICATION, therapy, yoga and self LOVE. Everyday I am learning and finding ways to help myself and except help from others. I finally realize I cannot do this life on my own. Asking for help is BOLD and shows STRENGTH. I AM strong because I know when I need help.

Much love and grace,

Steph