Today I received several messages about my current self-care practices. Many shamed me for not taking enough "alone, ME time." But here's the deal...for me spending time with my family is not a burden. I would much rather spend time loving on my family than spending alone time with myself.
When you have your best friend and husband diagnosed with an incurable cancer you choose to spend your every waking hour with your family.
Of course I know it is important to take time for me, but I feel I will have plenty of time for that when my family is grown and no longer needs me as badly as they once did. God blessed me with these sweet girls and I believe my responsibility is to love them madly...in a way that they will never question the love of Jesus. So much of our lives are so uncertain, but the one thing I can keep constant is my love and devotion to their sweet little lives.
They lives are already a bit lonely, because many of their friends will never know the stress of waiting for their daddy's PET scan results. No one truly understands how devastating these test results can be. They need me to be 100% at the top of my game...there for the cries. There to pick up the devastated pieces of their hearts.
I choose to poor the majority of my life into theirs. Because my worst fear is to miss a cry for help. I want them to know I gave my all to love them fiercely and madly. I will one day get my alone time, but for now I am content loving my family so hard in this season.
Ella--> my mother hen, my old soul, my fixer and caregiver. I need her to just be 12. To let me carry her burdens and to mother her and her 2 younger sisters. If I were to take me time that would put a huge amount of responsibility on her shoulders...much more than any child should ever have to carry.
Brooke--> My sweet, heart fixer. My rainbow baby. My silent fighter. She needs reassurance daily that everything is going to be ok. She needs to know that we made it through today and tomorrow will come and we will survive that as well. If I were to take time away from home, she would be crushed with fear. She needs her momma to let her know that no matter what everything will one day be the way God intended it to be.
Claire Bear--> Our finale baby. She never takes life too seriously. She does know her daddy's cancer is serious, but she definitely lives her life full of joy. She needs her momma to be home for bedtime stories. She also needs to see her momma taking care of her daddy. She is still so young and definitely needs several more years with her daddy to get to know who exactly he is.
So, when people tell me I am failing life because I do not take enough me time....
What I have to say is very important...My girls complete me. They are all gifts and beautiful responsibilities given to me by my Heavenly Father. One day they will be grown and raising their own families and that is when I will focus more on me time. But for now...I am completely content loving my family. For now I am ok with being needed 24/7. What breaks my heart most is that one day they will not need there momma.
So, in this season...I choose to love my babies madly! I will most likely never, EVER get these days back.
If you want to change the world....start at HOME
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